Here Fido, Heeeeeeeeeeeeeere Fido...

I'd like to take a moment to talk to all of the people who have dogs as pets. I could probably sum this up in one sentence: I HATE YOUR DOG! Look, when engaged in a conversation with a dog-owner about letting their animals crap wherever they want, every single person claims "Oh, not me. I always pick up after my dog."

Ok people, SOMEONE is not being totally honest here because today I stepped in a pile of dog crap in my yard. Keep in mind that I don't have a dog, and I'm pretty sure that I didn't take a dump in my own yard. I've got two working toilets and a pretty good sense of modesty. Honestly people, I don't come over to your yard and crap in it, so I don't expect my yard to have your dog's crap in it.

I do understand that it's hard for some of you to bend over and clean up the mess and that it isn't pleasant to do so, but this is something you should have thought about before getting a dog. I also don't care if it is cold outside and you're in a hurry to get back inside. Do you think I want to step in a steaming pile of YOUR DOG'S CRAP?????? I'm warning you, if I happen to be looking outside and I see you walking your dog, you'd better clean up after it if you let it use my property as a toilet. If you don't, I will pick up that pile of crap and bring it to you. Oh, and since you will undoubtedly claim that it isn't yours, rest assured, I will have my camera at my side and ready to take pictures of your dog in action...with you on the other end of the leash. Why would I do this? Because, like I said before, it's never YOUR dog. We'll see about that.

And one last thing. Being someone who doesn't own a dog, I am SICK TO DEATH of having to hear YOUR dog bark for hours on end at all hours of the night. Maybe you think it's cute, but I don't. Shut your stupid mutts up, PLEASE! Do you really think I like listening to your barking dog at 3:00 AM??? I don't crank my music up loud at night, so perhaps you might show me the same level of respect. Yes, I understand it's an animal and supposedly you can't control their barking. Give me a break. You're telling me you can train it to do everything else in the world EXCEPT when to shut it's trap? Come on, people! My next door neighbor has a dog and I NEVER hear it. Yet someone down the road has a dog and I hear it ALL THE BLOODY TIME. It NEVER shuts up.

ARHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

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